A person who misuses alcohol or has alcohol use disorder (AUD) can experience adverse effects that impact their lives and the lives of those around them. People who struggle with alcohol misuse are sometimes known as alcoholics. However, that term can be stigmatizing and outdated. Thus, this article will often refer to “alcoholics” as people with AUD or alcohol misuse.

Read on to learn more about how to help an alcoholic family member.

Signs Your Loved One Has a Drinking Problem

Alcohol use disorder is characterized by problematic drinking that causes significant dysfunction in a person’s life.¹ It is a progressive condition that often begins with social drinking and can gradually advance into problematic drinking – and even addiction.

It takes a trained professional to officially diagnose you or a family member; however, knowing the criteria these professionals use to diagnose AUD may help you identify a potential problem and when. Someone who displays at least 2 of these signs over a 12-month period may have an alcohol use disorder.¹

Consuming greater amounts of alcohol and for longer periods of time than intended.
Being unable to stop or cut back on drinking.
Spending a large amount of time buying, consuming, and recovering from alcohol and its effects.
Cravings for continued alcohol use.
Neglecting home, work, or school responsibilities due to alcohol use.
Continuing to drink despite interpersonal or social consequences.
Consuming alcohol instead of engaging in previously enjoyed hobbies or activities.
Using alcohol in hazardous situations, such as while driving a car.
Continuing to drink even though physical or psychological problems are being caused or exacerbated by the alcohol.
Needing to drink more alcohol to get the same desired effects, or feeling less of an effect when consuming the same amount of alcohol as before.
Experiencing withdrawal symptoms when drinking is stopped, or consuming alcohol to prevent or relieve withdrawal syndrome.

Effects of Alcohol Misuse on Those With Alcohol Addiction and Their Families

Alcohol addiction affects entire families, not just the person struggling with alcohol misuse.³Family members may adapt to a person’s alcohol misuse in different ways. For example, they may experience emotional pain and develop toxic coping skills to deal with their concerns, or they may try to hide the severity of the problem by enabling their family member and making excuses for them.²

Parents, children, and siblings may think they’re helping a family member who is struggling with alcohol misuse and addiction, but instead, they may be (likely unintentionally) allowing them to continue engaging in their problematic behaviors.²

Effects on Family Members

Family members can experience countless effects as a result of their loved one’s alcohol addiction or misuse that can create problems in their lives. Some of the ways alcohol misuse and addiction may affect family members include:

Increased levels of overall stress and dysfunction.³
Lower quality of family relationships.³
Poor communication skills and abilities.³
Experiencing physical, emotional, or sexual abuse.³
Specific negative consequences on children, such as:
- Greater risk for behavioral problems.
- Poor academic performance.
- Increased risk of developing mental disorders.
- Increased likelihood of personally struggling with alcohol addiction when older.

Health Problems Related to Alcohol Addiction

In addition to the effects family members may be experiencing, those who are personally trapped in the cycle of alcohol addiction also face potential negative effects, many of which can be health-related.

Some long-term effects of alcohol addiction that a person with alcohol addiction or alcohol misuse patterns can include:^1,2

Weakened immune system.
Cardiac myopathy.
High blood pressure.
Arrhythmias.
Stroke.
Increased risk for cancer (specifically in the liver, breast, throat, and mouth).
Pancreatitis.
Cirrhosis of the liver.
Alcoholic hepatitis.
Fatty liver.
Mental health problems, such as depression and anxiety.

How to Help Some with Alcohol Addiction

You can’t force a loved one to stop drinking, and you can’t make them go to treatment unless they’re ready. What you can do to help a family member with alcohol addiction, however, is to show your love, support, and encouragement, and help them enter alcohol addiction treatment when the time is right for them.

How to Talk to a Family Member About Their Drinking

Talking to your family member about their drinking can be scary and may bring up stress, anxiety, and even anger for everyone involved. The person may become defensive and less likely to consider treatment, or they may not even stick around long enough to hear what you have to say.⁴However, there are ways of getting around this.

If you want to know how to help a family member with alcohol addiction, it helps to approach them in a non-threatening, compassionate manner free of judgment. It’s likely that they feel a great deal of shame and guilt associated with their behaviors, so speak to your family member with respect and be sure to allow them the space to talk, too.⁴Additionally ways of talking with your loved one include the following:³

Avoid blaming your family member or shaming them into getting help.
Show your concern about their alcohol misuse and respectfully explain how it’s affecting others.
Express a hopeful attitude to support a family member with AUD.
Demonstrate your support for them by offering to attend mutual support group meetings like Al-Anon, or offering to help them find treatment, visit a doctor or mental health professional, etc.
Maintain your patience.

If your family member is open to discussing the problem, you can present different treatment options and offer to help them find a program that is right for them. Being an active participant in your family member’s recovery process can help them find and maintain motivation.

Things to Avoid when Talking to a Loved One

Addiction of any kind, including alcohol addiction, can make interactions with your loved one tense and anxiety-provoking. With that in mind, it can be helpful to be aware of what to avoid while talking to them about their alcohol addiction. Consider the following:^3,5

Don’t talk to your family member when he or she is under the influence of alcohol. It’s possible that your loved one won’t be coherent enough to engage thoughtfully and may not even remember the conversation once sobered up.
Avoid talking down to your family member, as being condescending can be a major trigger for people with alcohol addiction. This often stems from them harboring a lot of shame and guilt for their actions.
Do not approach a conversation aggressively. Doing so is likely to cause your family member to respond in an equally (if not more) aggressive manner, which can quickly escalate and become dangerous.
Do not blame your family member for their alcohol addiction. Talk about it for what it is – a clinical disease. Show them that you are willing to help tackle the problem collaboratively.
Avoid making excuses. You can speak to your family member with kindness and transparency without giving them a free pass or excusing away their behavior.

How to Help an Alcoholic Who Doesn’t Want Help

If you are dealing with a family member who has a drinking problem and they don’t want treatment, you can continue to support them in a number of ways that also help you practice good self-care during this time, too.

Set Limits

Enabling your family member’s addiction can lead to unhealthy family relationships and may allow their alcohol misuse to continue or even get worse. If your family member isn’t receptive to treatment, you may need to learn how to set boundaries to help maintain a healthier relationship.

Boundaries are guidelines that are individual to each family, which are clear and flexible to allow for better communication in and out of the family unit.³ You can also set personal boundaries to help you better communicate and support yourself and your loved one.

A few ways to do this include:

Not helping your family member out of jail if arrested for alcohol-related charges.
Refusing to loan money to your family member.
Not driving them to bars or clubs where they may drink.
Not covering up for your family member when they are under the influence of alcohol.

If you start to set limits, the family member will be forced to recognize the severity of their alcohol addiction, potentially helping them to seek or accept treatment sooner.

Take Care of Yourself

Don’t forget to take care of your own needs while supporting your loved one. Support groups are available for family members and loved ones such as:

Co-Dependents Anonymous focuses on correcting maladaptive patterns in family systems and creating positive, healthy relationships.⁶
Al-Anon Family Groups are for friends and family members of problem drinkers. Members can share their personal stories about how addiction has impacted their lives.⁷
SMART Recovery Family and Friends is a science-based alternative to fellowship programs, which provide resources to help a loved one.⁸
Family therapy: In family therapy, a therapist will help to strengthen relationships within the family by improving communication and resolving conflicts.

Educate Yourself About Addiction

Seeking support and educating yourself can be just as important as your family member getting support for their alcohol addiction.

If you’re not familiar with addiction, it may be helpful to seek support so you can better understand the struggles your family member is going through. Joining a support group or reaching out to friends who have experience with addiction may help you feel more prepared to support your loved one.

Organizations like the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) have resources available to help families dealing with alcohol addiction.

Getting A Loved One into Treatment

When supporting an alcoholic family member, you may offer to help them find treatment. Take time to learn about treatment options available for alcohol addiction and how they work so that you can help the person make an informed decision.

Below are a few alcohol addiction recovery options you may consider when helping your family member start the recovery process:

Inpatient/residential treatment centers require that your family member lives at the facility for the duration of the treatment program. These centers provide around-the-clock medical and psychiatric care, medically supervised detoxification, individual therapy, group counseling, and aftercare planning.
Outpatient treatment programs are recommended for those with a mild to moderate drinking problem and who must fulfill obligations at home, school, or work while in recovery. These programs give your family member the opportunity to receive addiction treatment services when it works with his or her schedule.
Mutual support groups like a 12-Step groups can help create encouraging and supportive environments for people recovering from alcohol addiction. Members can share their experiences about addiction, as well as have a sponsor who helps them throughout the recovery process.

Managing a Relapse

If your family member has completed treatment, know that it is possible that they may relapse. Relapse is part of recovery, and it doesn’t have to completely derail one’s road to recovery.

If your family member does relapse, avoid negativity and blame. Continue to offer support. Encourage your family member to seek treatment again, and perhaps try another recovery program or one with a higher level of care. Reassure your family member that relapse doesn’t equal failure.

Find an Alcohol Recovery Program

If you want to know how to support a family member with alcohol use disorder, and they are ready to get help, contact American Addiction Centers (AAC) at to learn about our treatment programs. Your call will be answered by a caring admissions navigators who are ready to support you and your family member. If you or your loved one has insurance, the admissions team can help you check coverage at AAC facilities.

How to Help a Family Member with Alcohol Addiction